Colon Cancer Strikes Again

Shortly after we left my mom and step-dad’s home, like less than an hour, I came across an extraordinary post on Facebook.  It was from the wife of my husband (and mine) college friend. He was actually a roommate of my husband’s as well.

It turned out that two years ago from that day (28 Nov) he had went to the ER with pains.  He believed it was probably his appendix.  They had a small guy that was about 6 and had had another baby that was 8 months old at that time.

It turned out that it was not his appendix, but stage 4 colon caner.  They went to the local oncologist and he told them that it was inoperable and that they maybe had two years.  He should start chemo immediately.

They did not take his answer lightly and they were recommended to seek a second opinion and to go to Dr Heinz-Joseph Lentz at USC School of medicine.  They did.  Two surgeries, chemo and 2 years later our friend was in remission.  I read the post out loud to my husband.  We had known that something was going on, there were posts about surgeries, but we had not understood what.  Now we did. I was dumbstruck at the similarities between our friend and my mother.  Pain in the same area, three tumors in the liver and in the colon, it was so similar and I don’t believe in coincidences.

My husband told me I needed to share this with my step-dad.  I didn’t want to, because I knew what his response would be. He would tell me no, that they would not seek a second opinion there and that they would stay where they were for treatment.

Predictably, I was right.  When he finally replied and sent me the email, I was crush and angry.  My husband tried to console me and told me at least now I wouldn’t blame myself.

I told him that I never would have blamed myself because this was the outcome that I predicted and knew that would happen. Now, I would not forgive my step-dad for his refusal.

I replied back with one more email, trying to appeal to his sense of logic.  I systematically addressed all the points in his email and then asked him to consider sending Dr Lenz her medical record.  Dr. Lenz has an impressive resume with the work he does in colon caner.  It might be that there would be things that would disqualify my mother from his care. I don’t know and neither will he unless he tries to see if they can help my mother.

I have not heard if he decided to send the records.  It is my sincere hope that he will.  I know that he is worried he might offend her existing team, but honestly I don’t really care.  What if Dr. Lenz can save her life from something that they have decided is ‘incurable’.  I know that they are extremely comfortable with the team that they have, and for that I am extremely grateful.  But, I am also certain that the information was given to me for a reason.

 

In the meantime, I am scheduled for my first colonoscopy the first week of January.  I am fairly confident that I will be ok.  I have never had the problems that my mother had with bring regular and all. I am worried though, because we do have family history and genetics running against us. I think that I may end up doing a genetic test for the markers in the future. I am worried about how this might affect my children.

I am not handling the stress well.  Currently, I have bitten a bump into my check and scraped up the inside of my nose so that there is a sore.  My anxiety is crazy high, so I have been trying to exercise more.  Unfortunately, my knee is still experiencing instability.  I need to go back to the orthopedic  Dr in January as well.  I fell a second time in Sept and I am wondering if I might have done more damage.  I suspect that I have due to the amount and type of instability that I am experiencing.  I wondering if I haven’t also busted out the ACL on this knee as well.  Ugh.  Just want I want, two knees repaired.

Thanksgiving

We lived overseas for many years and only recently moved back.  We really got used to spending the holidays by ourselves.  So moving back, we moved to a city that we had family already in.  They were kind enough to invite us to go out to dinner with them.  Instead, we offered to host them at our home.

The first year was fun and the second year we had family, from the other side come into town to join us as well.  That year, one of the cousins canceled in a fit because he was upset with me.  So, going into the next year I canceled so they could go back to their own thing.

It turned out that we didn’t stay in town either.  With my mother’s cancer dx, my older two 20+ college students wanted to go and see my mother. They had not seen her for almost 2 years and they had not seen her since the cancer dx.  So, we made the plans and headed out to see them for a week.

It was quite the spectacle.  My sister and I had made up before the dx, so she and I were ok and talking at least.

But mid-week we were unceremoniously kicked out of my mom and step-dad’s home and regulated to a hotel.  I was told by my step-dad, ‘that his family” meaning his sister, her friend and her friends mother, and his brother and his brother’s wife would be staying at their home.  To be fair, my brother and his girlfriend were also suppose to be regulated to a hotel as well.

As the time grew closer, plans changed and morphed.  My step-dad’s brother and wife decided to rent a RV and drive it up.  They stayed in the RV.  IT freed up space for his son and his son’s girlfriend.  My cousin came up at the last minute, so he was given a place to stay in the house.  My brother’s girl friend also decided not to come, so he was also found a place to stay in the house.  My step-dad also offered a couch to one of the kids since we brought our dog, He did not think that we would be able to find a hotel that took dogs, but it turned out that we did, so we declined the offer.

I am still not sure if I should be offended that we were kicked out or not.

I am also on the fence about going back to such a big family gathering.  It was so chaotic.

One of the things that I have learned about incorporating families together is the importance of melding family traditions.  I truly do understand.  My first Thanksgiving away from my family was with my husband’s family.  We were not married yet and he asked me what was important part of our families traditions.  At the end of the day, when I was helping clean up, my soon to be father in law told me that basically they had done a whole big thing on my behalf.  I was touched and felt bad all at the same time.

Fast forward to this year. My intention was to come in and help my mother do what she couldn’t this year. The chemo has taken a big toll on her and she is tired so much easier then she used to be. She is also experiencing chemo brain. Which is a bit alarming, but thankfully will reverse itself.

 

In the process, other family members were popping up and offering to make and bring things.  It was so difficult because in particular my sister and I were each complaining to my mom that we wanted her recipes.  We didn’t want to have things that we weren’t used to.

 

My step-dad’s brothers wife had brought green beans one year and she had used a recipe that used cheese.  The family was not pleased so, my mom made sure to make them herself.  A aunt tried to bring pies and potatoes but was regulated to just pies.  My mom wanted just mashed as did we.

My step-dad’s sister’s friend that was coming brought roasted veggies and a salad.

 

My sister brought the stacked salad that had been in my step-dad’s family forever. Her fiancé made a smoked turkey, sweet potato pie, and sweet potatoes like my mom made.

 

I made the pumpkin pies (I don’t eat them, but I don’t think that they were my best attempt this year sadly) and my husband made homemade rolls. He started because he really disliked the ones that my mother used to buy years ago.

 

My mom made the green beans with homemade mushroom soup, beans from her garden, stuffing, gravy, and cherry pie.

My step-dad’s brother’s wife was very insistent on bringing something.  She made an apple pie with crumb topping, and even though it wasn’t my mother’s it was good albeit under cooked.

She also was given the sweet potatoes to do as well.  My sister and I were definitely a bit worried about the out come, I voiced concern and specifically hoped there would be no OJ added to the recipe.  I was told to basically shut up by my step-dad.

While she didn’t add OJ to the recipe, she did add nuts.  I ended up skipping them and slightly in disgust.  Partially, because while she was making them she proceeded to tell us how she was a terrible cook!  I also ended up skipping the ones that my sister’s fiancé was so kind to make and bring, I think in an effort to make my sister and I happy.  I was just over it all I guess.

Don’t get me wrong, I really do like my step-dad’s brother’s wife. She is a sweet girl and definitely better than wife number 1.  She was a great help in the kitchen and she and I peeled the potatoes together for the mashed potatoes. I was just over it because I am honestly worried that this was my mom’s last thanksgiving.  I wanted it to be one of her making that she still maintained control.

There was already talk about next year’s celebration and my step-dad’s sister was offering to host it at her house.  I know that her best friend will also offer to put people up in her house too, if that’s where they end up.  I am pretty certain that I won’t be going.  While it was nice to see all the family, I also know why I like the smaller gatherings.  Maybe we will consider doing Christmas with my mother and step-dad instead.

There is also the possibility of hosting at my house, but no one seems to want to come out my way, which is fine.  My husband’s family will come to Thanksgiving with us.  Sadly, when we canceled out plans with them, they had Thanksgiving alone by themselves, which made me sad.  I did tell my mom and step-dad that if we do come their way next year, that we also needed to include my husband’s parents.